My Kid…
My youngest daughter is a fireball. She is mostly a joy to be around and has a sweet disposition, but find her at the wrong time and you might regret it. When her tummy rumbles, when naptime is near, or a few other seemingly small reasons – and she lights up like a firecracker and can sometimes explode.
It’s hard to see, hear, and be patient honestly. But I have realized that one of the major reasons she feels that she can have these emotions is because she feels safe to share them with me. I love her and she loves me. She feels safe to bring all of her emotions to me and I can help her sort them. I thought I would share some things I have learned in both being a dad and tutor for kids in the classroom that have experienced trauma.
My Strategies…
Here are some effective strategies that can help children manage big emotions, whether they’re feeling angry, sad, or frustrated. These simple techniques are fun and engaging, and they can make a big difference in helping kids regain control of their feelings.
Breathing like an Animal
Encourage children to try different types of animal breathing to calm down:
Bumblebee breath: Close the eyes, take a deep breath in through the nose, and hum like a bumblebee as they exhale.
Lion’s breath: Take a deep breath in, and as they exhale, make a roaring sound.
Meow breath: Inhale deeply, and exhale with a soft “meow” sound like a cat.
Then, take a slow, deep breath to finish. (smell the flowers – blow out the candles)
Faucet Breathing
Have them hold their hands in tight fists (like a closed faucet) and then slowly open their fingers as they exhale, releasing their emotions, like water flowing from a fountain.
Bluey Episode “Stickbird” – Emotion Toss
In a memorable Bluey episode, Bluey suggests that you can gather up your emotions and then “throw” them in different ways. Bluey is a really calming show that can teach great things. Encourage kids to use their imagination:
- Fold the emotion like an airplane and “throw” it.
- Shoot it like a basketball
- Toss it like a frisbee.
This creative approach can help them visualize letting go of their big feelings.
Setting Boundaries with Emotions
Remind them with the phrase: “You can be ________ (angry, sad) but you can’t ________ (yell, fit, hit, slam doors).” This helps children understand that it’s okay to feel emotions, but they need to express them in a healthy way.
Cool-Down Time
Encourage a short time-out for cooling down, but with a limit of 5–10 minutes. This allows them time to regain control without taking the entire evening or making it feel like a punishment.
My Caution…
These strategies not only provide tools for managing emotions but also encourage creativity and calmness. They are great for me too! A word of caution though, kids pick up more from what they see us do, than what we tell them. Using these strategies or other strategies that help us stay in control of our own emotion do help. And we – like them – sometimes miss opportunities to stay regulated. So there’s definitely a learning curve. Be kind to yourself and to them.